2020 Glow Up

It is now 2020, and my last blog post was almost a year ago, so I’m sure you’ve noticed, I’ve been missing in action for quite some time now. First and foremost, I’d like to start off by apologizing for taking such a long unannounced break. My hope is that you understand how much I truly needed to take that time to focus on myself, my well being, my healing and to deal with everything else that was going on at the time.

2019 was a very difficult year for me. It almost feels like an understatement to say that it was the hardest year of my life to date. This time, last year I was the most depressed I’ve ever been. I was dealing with one of the worst flare ups I’ve ever had from my autoimmune disorder and was in so much physical pain. It was also the beginning of the end of a 6 year relationship with someone I deeply cared about.

I felt like my world was falling apart. I was calling out of work and feeling like a total failure because I couldn’t function or do my usual day to day activities and responsibilities. It got so bad that I thought I was going to lose my job. I was crying every night and falling asleep in my mother’s bed. The hardest part of my day was waking up and facing yet another grueling day. This lasted for a painful 6 months and it was soul shattering and heartbreaking altogether. I felt like a ghost inside my body. I felt like I had no control over my life, no direction, no safe place, no grip, no break, no future. Nothing to be excited or happy about. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

However, I write this today and I can’t begin to describe to you how happy I feel writing this post. Im so happy for today. Things are much different now, my life has truly done a whole 180 since last year, and I’m so grateful for all of it. 2019 was such a painful year but I’ve gained so much knowledge, confidence and self growth through all the pain.

Heartbroken and at my absolute lowest, my best friend gave me a beautiful heart shaped plant,

with the words “You Grow, Girl” on it.

A small loving gesture, that spoke to me on so many levels. I don’t think she realized how meaningful and pivotal that would became in my journey to healing myself. I saw this plant as a beautiful, living creature that needed nurturing, love, care, time and patience to grow and stay alive. In a way, this plant became a symbol for me to do the same for myself. Being gifted this plant led me to start picking myself up, rebuilding, loving myself, reinventing myself, believing in myself and keep enduring the worst emotional pain I’ve ever experienced, with a new hope that life would get better. It did. It took a lot of nurturing, nursing, self love and care, lots of self reflection, time and patience, but I did heal and I indeed grew. I grew into the stronger, better person I am today, into this person that I love.

All in all, I’ve gone through so many mindset shifts, and transformations. It’s been a year of hard, painful and uncomfortable monumental growth, but because of it, I am going into 2020 feeling hopeful, assertive, excited, and ready to embrace this brand new beautiful decade ahead of me, full of opportunities and vast chances at happiness. I have so much to be grateful for and so much to look forward to! It’s hard to believe that a year ago, I didn’t feel like this – felt far from it.

And so, with open arms, and only looking up from here, I am so ready to welcome in this brand new year! Got my rose colored glasses on and got no plans on taking them off! Going into 2020 with 2020 vision!

Wishing all my readers a beautiful, healthy and happy new year and decade ahead, may it be your best one yet! Happy 2020!

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